No Hear-y, Oh Dearie

I'm on a blog roll right now, and I have no intention of stopping. There's value, methinks, in writing a little everyday. That way, I can keep my writing skills well-oiled. And I won't feel too unproductive. I should organize my posts better, if they are to become real literary exercises. Maybe write on something specific per session, and then pay attention to the elements of style and organization. But bah that. This is a blog, for goodness' sake. No thinking. No structuing. Just writing.

* * *

I won't take too long with this post, because I have another daily project awaiting me - that of doing research for my very own television concept. The research stage is fantabulous. I have been diving into Buffy Season Six, and I am enjoying every single minute of it. The episode "Once More With Feeling" was pure genius. I like it even a little more than I like "Hush." Ah, Buffy.

That said, I guess I should jump right in and talk about what I had planned to talk about - my "disability."

I have mild hearing loss affecting both my ears. To aid me with my hearing, I have to wear in-the-ear (ITE) hearing aids. The hearing loss isn't that severe or debilitating. I have trouble with high pitches (think: the first few notes of a standard Nokia alarm), and I could use help with the clarity of speech or volume. But aside from that, I am fine. I can function without the hearing aids, and I will not start panicking if their batteries run out when I don't expect it. That said, I do try to wear the aids as much as possible, because they're supposed to stimulate auditory nerves that would not otherwise be stimulated, with the end result being a possible beterment of my hearing capabilities.

To add to this mild hearing loss, I also have a very prominent tendency of blocking out reality and spacing out - especially when I am sleepy or thinking about something else. The first time I noticed this tendency was back in Grade School. I was working on a sewing project during that sewing class, and I remember having to ask Ms. Zafra about what stitch I needed to be doing. But in my head, I was singing "the more we get together, together, together, together; the more we get together, the happier are we." I walked up to her, and instead of asking her to demonstrate the basket stitch, as I had intended to, I ended up asking her, "the more the merrier, right?"

This has happened several times since then. In the Oxford semi-finals, for example, the other team gave me a point of information, and I answered yes (with feelings too) when I should have said no because I thought he had phrased the question differently. While I was very much in the moment then, I was also thinking of how I was going to phrase my next argument in the most convincing way. Here, in the law school, when my friend and I were working on outlines for our final exam, I misinterpreted an encounter that my friend had with this random guy. I made up a story in my head to explain their conversation. In this case, when she told me about the story, my mind was still on the outline I was working on.

The combination of the mild hearing loss and my daydreaming tendencies can lead to potentially disastrous results. There's nothing I can do about the hearing loss, but there is something I can do about the daydreaming tendencies. But then again, there's nothing I can do about those tendencies too, because those are a function of who I am - when I concentrate on something, I focus to the exclusion of everything else, and when I am sleepy, then my brain just shuts down, and I then become ill-equipped for meaningful social interaction.

I guess I should just focus more and be in the moment more. Or if I can't do that, I should tell my friends about my tendencies to save them from insult.

* * *

Speaking of my hearing loss, I remember an incident when two people got annoyed with me when I kept asking them to repeat themselves. Instead of answering me properly, therefore, they got back to me with sarcastic responses that I myself got annoyed at. I wasn't trying to be stupid - I just couldn't hear or, more accurately, understand what they were saying. One was mumbling very, very softly. Also, we were walking and not facing each other, so I couldn't figure out what was being said by looking at the lip movement. Ah, well. I thought about making a big deal about this, but I threw that idea away. My style is to combat sarcasm with even more sarcasm (I am the queen of sarcasm.), and match every witty statement with one even wittier, and I'm not going to change that just because I can't do it in a particular context.

* * *

That's enough writing for tonight. Have other thoughts, but will dump them quickly in the journal that is for my eyes only. And then it's back to my research work for the evening.

* * *

P.S. I am ROFL at the title I picked for this post.

1L, 2L, 3L

Today marks the beginning of the fifth week of my last year in law school. It's about time, therefore, that I say a little about my experiences as a 3L, and as a law student more generally, so far. There's a saying for American law schools that goes something like this:

"First year, they scare you to death.
Second year, they work you to death.
Third year, they bore you to death."

I never expected to be saying this, but for the most part, I find this saying to be true.

In my 1L year, I was overwhelmed by the suggestions that everyone had about studying the law. Brief all the cases you read, they said. Read them very carefully. And then before the final exams, be sure to outline.

Now I didn't know that many people in my first year, as my de facto policy during the first two months of law school was to keep to myself and not to talk to anyone, except for professors. Don't ask me why that became my de facto policy; I'm still wondering about that myself. The point is that I wasn't able to ask anyone for advice, at least for the first few crucial weeks. In any case, I ended up working like a madwoman during my first year. It wasn't even efficient work, mind you. It was all busy work (i.e. briefing the cases and taking notes on the reading) that prepared me very minimally for the final exams that determined 100% of my grade. In any event, I did okay during the finals. But seriously, all my studying for each final exam took place at most 48 hours before the exam. That's when I finally figured out what an outline was, and that's when I got my act together. I really have to credit both my luck and memory skills where the exams were concerned. I'm grinning as I write this, because I think I escaped by the skin of my teeth there. Whew.

Second year, I was a bit more efficient. I vowed not to brief cases anymore (and I still don't, up to this time) and not to take too-detailed-notes on the readings. That cut my study time by 2/3. And that was a good thing, really, because the first semester of second year, was the busiest semester of my life, ever. I had to fix up articles (i.e. the text, citations, etc.) for my journal, I threw myself into on-campus interviews, and later on, I was flying from state to state doing callback interviews. Now I generally like traveling and do consider myself to be a pretty seasoned traveler, having traveled to five out of the seven continents of the world. But traveling every week is exhausting, and the exhiliration that comes from being in a new place gets old very quickly. The exhaustion of the 2L year culminated in me cancelling two callback interviews in New York. Everything was in place - my flight tickets, my schedule, and the cab appointment - but I just couldn't do it. I had already gotten an offer from my top choice, and I just did not have the heart to put myself through another gruelling experience. Besides, I reasoned, I did not want to waste anyone's time. I was at the end of my rope, and I decided not to jump, and I haven't regretted that decision since.

And here we are, back to the present. I have been in school for one month now, and I am hopelessly bored to death. I am so bored. I have had some busy days, but right now, at this moment, I have more time on my hands than I know what to do with. I guess if I were really a good student, I'd spend the time reviewing my notes and reflecting on the tax treatment of devalued property. But I'm not the good student that I once was. I was a risk-averse student before who always put in more effort than necessary to ensure that I'd get the results I want. Right now, I am more risk-friendly, and I am playing the game of getting the best results with the least effort possible. It's a game I could win, definitely. I think I have mastered the art of speed-reading, and I don't feel the slightest inclination for reverting to my 1L routine of case-briefing and note-taking. No way in the hey. I don't learn by typing. I think I'd be better of doing something else later in the semester. And I don't feel guilty for taking this position at all. Not one bit. I am a 3L who is exploring other things. And in this, my last year as a student, my studies will not get in the way of me doing the things I want and taking care of the stuff that matters.

Amen.

Go Ateneo! Go Irish! One Big Fight!

I spent yesterday afternoon at the Notre Dame stadium for the Notre Dame v. Michigan State football game. It was the second home game of Notre Dame, but it was the first one that I caught because I was in Chicago for the first one. While I would have rather sat down during some parts of the game (the second half, specifically), I did find the game to be interesting. The Irish scored their first offensive touchdown of the season, and the performances from both marching bands were pretty good. I was disappointed that there were no airplanes, though, while the "The Star-Spangled Banner" was being performed. That's okay. There'll probably be exciting stuff like that during the other home games. Last year, they had parachuters land in the Notre Dame stadium. I think that was the game against Army. That was a mega-treat to behold.

I'm excited for the other home games now, even though Notre Dame still has 0 wins after four games. From all accounts, it seems that this is the first time that the Irish are doing this badly. Oh well. Other things aside from the football match make the game days fun. There are the yummy brats, the yummy hamburgers, the cute tumblers for my Diet Coke, and the marching band. I'm good to go for all the other home games. I will be taking the MPRE (Multistate Professional Responsibility Exam), which is a component of the bar exam, on the morning of the Navy game, but I hear that the exam finishes at noon, so I will have no problem watching the game after.

I still don't completely understand football, but I like watching it now. Go Irish! Win something. But even if you don't, I will be in the 100,000+-person stadium, munching on my brat and gulping down Diet Coke.

* * *

I had a moment of true panic yesterday: I was cheering for Notre Dame when I realized that I was wearing a green shirt and waving a white towel. I was, like, oh my gosh, I am wearing La Salle colors. Eeek!!! I calmed down though when I saw that our football team was attired in blue, white, and gold. Except for the gold, those are still Ateneo colors. And with the gold, those are Assumption colors, the plaid skirt notwithstanding. So whew.

Call me silly, but I don't think I can wear green anymore at a sporting event. It's just too ... off. That said, I'm glad that I haven't gotten The Shirt yet. Every year, Notre Dame comes up with The Shirt, which is what every fan should wear to the game day, just so people are all wearing the same thing. Two years ago, the shirt was yellow. Last year, it was dark blue, and this year, it was dark green. I've been planning for a while to get The Shirt because I got a season pass this year, but for some reason, I have never gotten around to it. That's a good thing! After yesterday's experience, I think what I'm going to do is get a # 7 blue jersey. I feel a special affiliation with Jimmy Clausen, just because I have read and heard so much about him. That way, I can cheer for the Irish while wearing Ateneo colors.

That's a good idea. Now it's off to the bookstore at some point for my football jersey.

* * *

The Ateneo-La Salle rivalry got featured in the N.Y. Times. Click here to see the article.

The article gives a lot of detail, and it does a good job of putting the rivalry into context. But I think the obvious bias towards Ateneo lessens its credibility a bit. Take this line, for example, "La Salle’s players have a menacing swagger, with tattoos, headbands, shaved heads and chin-strap beards." That's not true. Some of La Salle's players do look like that, but others definitely don't. Take J.V. Casio, for example, or T.Y. Tang. These two are my favorite La Salle players because they both play clean and they're just really good. T.Y., my brother's friend from Xavier, is a really nice guy too. And also, does Eric Salamat's last name, meaning thank you in Filipino, really contribute to the squeaky-clean image of the team? I'm from Ateneo and I'm a Blue Eagle fan, but that line had me snorting Diet Coke through my nose. Honestly. Let's not be ridiculous now.

I'm curious about the writer of this artcile, Raphael Bartholomew. I don't think he was in Ateneo when I was there, which was from 2000 to 2004. I'm also looking forward to his book about Philippine basketball. If this article is any indication, it should be a pretty interesting read.

In any case, I hope Ateneo wins the title this year. Oh please, oh please, oh please! I am behind the team 100% from the middle of nowhere that is South Bend, Indiana. Go Ateneo! One Big Fight!

* * *

My friend and I got into a friendly argument about whether the term "differently abled" has any merit. For those who don't know, "differently abled" is the supposed politically correct term for "disabled." I stand behind that term completely.

The problem with "disabled" is how it equates the possession of ability to those who were born with normal body parts and who could use those parts in the conventional way. And if for one reason or another, your body does not function the way it should, then you're labeled as disabled. I don't agree with that. As I pointed out to my friend, a man who is born without arms can still grasp utensils with his foot and eat with it or even draw with it. He could still get from point A to point B by using his arms to pull his body along, even if he can't walk. The man does have ability, albeit not in the normal sense. The fact that the handicapped do things differently does not mean that they are disabled. They're just differently abled, that's all.

The term "disabled" is inherently demeaning, I think. Why do people have to be measured according to the ability of most people? And if they can't meet that standard, why are they automatically disabled? I can't shoot like Michael Jordan can. Does that mean I'm disabled?

It's not like me to rise to the defense of a supposedly politically correct label. I generally feel that political correctness is a concept that we are all better of without. But something about this term strikes a chord with me. The term disabled goes to a person's body and how he relates to the world, as we can only relate to the world through our body, however that is shaped or formed. The label then is entirely inaccurate and insulting to someone's personhood. It is for this same reason that I consider other supposedly politically correct terms like "vertically challenged" or "horizontally challenged" to be entirely unneccessary and even a tad ludicrous.

If you were following the argument I've been making, then you'd understand the logic of that statement. If you don't understand it, then let's talk. And if you don't care, then have a good evening.

Mega-Fantastic Slayer Deal

I'm back!

My grand writing dreams are once again featuring prominently in my life, and so I am once again going back to this blog as a tool to improve my writing prowess and to get me happily along on the very ambitious path to literary success. Let's talk a little bit about what I want to talk about, shall we?

I got a mega-fantastic deal today at the mall. SB and I went to the mall today to run some errands, and I found myself in the music/DVD store. I almost had a heart attack when I saw their sale special - up to 50% for DVDs of TV series. And the DVDs of Buffy the Vampire Slayer were there! (Cue for Handel's Allelluia here). They didn't have Season 2 or Season 4, so that was a bummer. But they did have Seasons 1, 3, 5, 6, and 7, and each one was going for $20 a pop. I got Seasons 3, 5, 6, and 7, because SB said she'd be handing over Season 1 to me after the year ends. I'm just lacking Seasons 2 and 4 at this point. That's okay, though, because I have Season 2 at home (in Manila), and I can get Season 4 at some other place. Wow, that was a steal! I'm feeling really pleased with myself right now. I don't have a DVD collection here - I have just two, actually, one of them a gift - so I'm excited because I feel that I'm starting a collection right now.

And it's an honor to start it with BtVS. Joss Wheddon is my idol. And when the lights go down and law classes end, I go around Notre Dame and stake vampires.

* * *

SB and I were attacked by vicious flying insects today. We were walking home from the law school, when random flying creatures started heading right at us, one of them nesting in my hair, one of them perching on my hand, and one of them even resting at my neck. My goodness! When we looked to the ground, we saw millions of those same red insects there. I felt like a giant lightbulb that all of those moths congregated around. I got really grossed out by the moth that went to my hair, so I calmed myself down by opening my Federal Income Taxation statute book and plopping it on my head for the rest of the way home. But of course, I took it off when I caught sight of guys.

* * *

I almost fell today. I was too shocked to screech, as I normally would, and I caught myselfbefore I went crashing down. The reason? I was wearing sandals, and my right foot slipped off from the sandal base to the ground. It was so ridiculous. It had none of the dignity of my first Notre Dame fall - that which happened when I was rushing to get to an 8 AM class. But it was a good laugh anyway.

* * *

I'd write more, but my battery is dying, and I have to make a call before I sleep. I'll leave you with this post. And with this piece of advice: if you are running on reserve battery power, then you better finish what you're doing before the screen goes blank.

The Sure Thing

Surprisingly, I find myself with a free hour right now, and so decided that I'd post. It's not that surprising really, considering that, if I'd gotten up at 9 AM instead of at noon, I'd have four hours to myself instead of just one. But oh well. Sleep is one of those wonderful luxuries of life that I am oh-so-fond of indulging in, and it doesn't make sense for me to deprive me of it as the dreaded F-word is still a whopping three months away. And so let the random thoughts spill out.

* * *

I think I have found my favorite love story-movie ever - "The Sure Thing," starring John Cusack and Daphne Zuniga. It was released in 1985, three years after I was born, but I first watched it some days ago. It is the BEST love story ever. Or at least in the romantic comedy genre. The screenplay is so witty, and the story is just so real and utterly believe-able. It's a must-see and now, a must-have too.

See, that's my problem with most romantic comedies or romances, generally - their unbelieve-ability. You know, the usual boy and girl meet each other and within twenty-four hours of meeting, either boy or girl or both is or are convinced that they've found the One. That's nice and all and very entertaining to watch too. But those plots have never at all seemed real to me. Take this later John Cusack movie, "Serendipity." Now that was an entertaining enough movie, but I found it entirely fantastical. And even if something like that did happen to me, I'd not choose to take the course that Kate Beckinsale did - ditching her musician-boyfriend and going all the way over to New York to reconnect with this random guy.

Call me skeptical, but I really don't believe love stories happen that way.

* * *

Speaking of screenplays, I'm excited for this screenwriting talk that two of my friends and I are attending on Friday. Here's a brief description of the event:

"South Bend native Larry Karaszewski (1408, Man on the Moon, Ed Wood), ND grad ('77) Jim Jennewein (The Flintstones, Richie Rich), and FTT alum ('95) Stephen Susco (The Grudge, Red) will show clips of their work and talk about the art of screenwriting at the event which kicks off at 7:30 pm."

I'm so excited about the talk. Screenwriting is one of those mysterious things that I'd like to know more about. I know next to nothing about it right now, but I do know that it's one of those things I'd like to explore some day. Be the next Joss Wheddon or something. That would be cool.

I actually tried to audit a screenwriting class this fall. That didn't work out though because the class was full and the law school didn't want to credit for me it, if ever, as it was an undergraduate class. I found that pretty disappointing, but I got over myself quickly - I looked back at my credits and realized it wouldn't have worked out. Next semester is a different story. But even that doesn't look that promising, as most of the writing classes at the Film, Television, and Theatre Department have prerequisites. Dang.

Oh well. I think I'm getting ahead of myself again. I have to remind myself that I have both a judge and jury trial three weekends from now. And that this screenwriting dream can wait.

* * *

This Saturday is the Notre Dame-Michigan State game. I'm looking forward to watching my first live game of the year (I was in Chicago for the first home game), but I'm not really expecting to have a good time at the game. If the last three games are any indication, Michigan State is going to kill us. And that kind of sucks because my only joy in football games is to see touchdowns. I don't think we'll be seeing any of those, at least from ND's side, this Saturday.

It's really funny, kind of, that the football season is getting this dismal so quickly. Over the summer, I was really excited about football because ND got Jimmy Clauson, the top high school recruit. I wanted to know who the starting quarterback was going to be, and I was looking forward to watching the games. But yeah, that got old quickly when we started losing in all these amazing ways.

That said, I guess it's no surprise that I have once again turned my attention to the Ateneo-La Salle UAAP rivalry. Ateneo goes up against La Salle this Thursday at 4 PM Manila time to secure the second spot and the twice-to-beat advantage. I am so jealous of all my friends back home because they get to watch this game, and I don't. The last game, my three siblings watched the game live, my friend who was visiting back home caught the game on TV (I think), and, when I talked to him, my friend in Shanghai was making plans to watch the game in my other friend's house and to bring chili too. And I was relegated to not hearing anything about the game until some kind soul posted a video of the last few minutes of the game on YouTube.

I'm grinning now because I'm remembering those days when I was part of the noisy blue crowd at Araneta. Those were awesome days. Getting tickets, especially to Ateneo-La Salle games, was the most difficult thing on earth, but I was lucky enough to watch a good number of those games, including the 2002 championship game.

I can hear the Blue Babble's drumming in my ears right now. And in three days, the Notre Dame Marching Band will be all over campus. I love college sports.

* * *

I am being completely and unapologetically obsessive-compulsive again, but I want to come up with a schedule for my life. Like Mondays would be for Skyping, Tuesdays would be for fixing up my poems, Wednesdays would be for e-mailing ... Stuff like that.

I am a true Libra. I strive for balance all the time. And by the way, I am also a dog.

Wake Me Up When September Ends

I don't why the title of my post is as it is. I guess that may have something to do with the "Jesus of Suburbia" music video that is stuck in my head right now, given that I first watched it just a few hours ago. Or that may also have something to do with how I feel overall sucky right now. Or maybe it just has to do with how this is September, and that's one song right there with September in the title. Ay, whatever. That's enough speculating about the blog post title.

A lot has happened since the time I last posted, and in true-me fashion, I will allude to those happenings only sparingly, and I will be sure to keep the details sparse. But I guess sharing some of the more general details can't hurt.

I spent my summer in Chicago, right in the heart of it. This was definitely a nice change from the South Bend of two summers ago - which was necessary and a learning experience in and of itself, I realize that - but which was definitely not too much fun. I had a fantastic time at a fantastic firm, and it was great to finally get a paycheck again after a little less than a whole school year of not having any income. Chicago was also fun because I reconnected with my high school buddy M which paved the way for us to have adventures together. Fun stuff. I'll be going back to Chicago for sure after graduation and working at the same firm. They offered, and I accepted, and that's that. I'm really grateful at how that whole thing played out.

It's nice to have something to look forward to after graduation and, more, to like what comes after my last year in school ever.

* * *

I have to say that it feels a little weird to be back in school again. Don't get me wrong - in some ways, I am glad to be back in ND because my ND friends are here. We have different things going for each of us this year, and I'm sure it's going to be a fun last year, if only because South Bend has a movie theater that shows up-to-date movies and also because their company is enough to make otherwise mundane days fun. But in other ways, I feel impatient about being here - after having lived in Chicago for the summer, where you don't need a car and where there are cabs 24/7 (if it's 2 AM and you need a cab, just go to the John Hancock center or the nearest hotel; if it's the weekends though or Friday night, just wave your right hand, and a cab will appear), I again have to contend with non-existent public transportation and all the similar inconveniences of living in Sleepy Hollow. Yeesh. It doesn't help either that I don't see high-rise buildings when I look to the horizon. Well, what can I say? I'm a big city girl who's needs her tall buildings to feel secure.

ND does have a beautiful campus, don't get me wrong. But I guess the beauty of the campus can only carry me so far. And don't even get me started about the icky winter. Or the equally dismal prospects for the football team this year.

Ugh, I'm complaining too much again, I know. Call it PMS on my part, even if I just had my period a week ago. I am pretty angsty right now, and I don't really know why. You know how it is when you just get up on the wrong side of the bed in the morning? Well, that's what I feel happened to me. And that's why you're reading this mopey post.

* * *

My firm shares its building with DDB, an advertising firm. Some days, I'd share the elevator with people in casual clothes, headphones snug around their face and a tall Starbucks cup in their hand. When these people'd get of in the DDB floor, I remember wondering about what they did. Were they copywriters? Art directors? Creative directors? Or were they Account Executives like I was before? It was such a throwback to my Makati days at Saatchi, where I'd go in to work in jeans everyday.

I loved the work that I did this summer, but there were times when I'd find myself wondering about how my life would have been if I had stayed in Manila and stuck with the advertising industry. I would have moved to copywriting, that's for sure. Account Executive work is SO not for me. It's funny that during my despedida, the creative director told me to let him know if I ever wanted to go back there as a copywriter. If I didn't leave, I would have been a copywriter, for sure. I wonder how that would have been like. Would that have been fun and fulfilling for me, because then I could work with words? I love working with words. Would I have been promoted and would I have been maybe Art Director by now? Would a career in screenplay writing then have been more probable?

So many possibilities. I know that this a case of the grass being greener on the other side. The career path I'm embarking on is pretty exciting itself and can't be beat in terms of compensation and perks. But a career in copywriting would have been fun. Going to work in jeans makes stuff fun.

* * *

There are times when I consciously have to remind myself not to think that I am old. I'm really not that old, see. I haven't even hit the quarter-of-a-century mark. But there are times when I feel old and worn. Those are the times when I think of all the possibilities and options that I have foregone by going on in this path. And I guess that would have been the same wherever else I would have ended up, right? When you make a choice, you forego other possibilities. That's the nature of choosing. But there are times when this simple reality bothers me and makes me think twice about what I'm doing right now.

It's not that I regret the choices that I have made. Even if I can't say that independence is something that I really treasured back in Manila, I do value my independence here and the freedom and exhiliration that comes with being able to do anything that I want to do. I love it that I have awesome friends here - both those I've met just by being here and those I knew back in Manila and that I'm reconnecting with because we're in the same country again. And the risk that I took with getting my JD here does seem to be paying off very nicely.

I guess the more definite my life seems to be becoming, the louder the roar of the other things that I still want to do, of alternate career paths or alternate personalities, none of which are really rooted in either my life experiences or credentials. I have to keep telling myself that now is not the time to be passive. Now is the time to make things happen.

I'm reflecting a little on the "successes" that I've had in life so far. They all seem trite and a tad meaningless right now - little victories in constructed spheres. I'm by no means belittling what I've done so far. I guess I'm just thinking that the time has long passed for me to do other things, to shoot for other stars, and walk on other moons. I want to do Something and be Someone. As in for real this time.

You know, I've always valued hard work and discipline. But I'm starting to wonder now whether I really know what it's like to work hard - to put everything on the line and reach for the Unreachable, the Unattainable. Very little has been out of reach for me. What I have wanted badly, I have pretty much gotten. But I guess life has been throwing some curveballs at me lately, closing some opportunities that I would have otherwise wanted to pursue. But rather than spur me to a flurry of action, those curveballs have just made me feel maybe a pang of regret. After a while, I feel nothing. I think I'm too proud sometimes, because when, say, an application for a team is denied to me, my impulse is to say (and to honestly believe this too) that the loss is theirs and not mine.

I need a goal. I need ambition. I need to be challenged. In stuff that matters, okay? A silly challenge is not a challenge but a waste of time. Sigh. Coasting along is fine, but I'd say that it's definitely not the most fun I can have with my clothes on.

The End is Near - Didn't I Use This Title Already?

Two more days to go, and I am 2/3 done with my legal education. Two more days, and I must be prepared to write about the Due Process Clause and the Equal Protection Clause. Time to start reviewing. If only I can get up from my bed right now.

I'd make the usual crack about me having narcolepsy, but I don't feel comfortable doing that anymore ever since seeing this video. So I will just say that I am somnolent right now. And more accurately, I am antukin and a batugan.

Still have grand plans for this blog. Have a lot of interesting obsessions to detail and also some highly charged issues to start debate on. But all of those plans will have to be delayed until after my last exam.

Well, am hopping in the shower now. And then after, well, Con Law II - you're it.

I Think I'm Clever

Today: 3 complex units simplified and vanished
Tuesday: 4 units to prove
Friday: 3 units and my 2L year is constitutionally over

Guess the exams I have.

Always Open Your Mail

Note to self and reminder to the world: always open your mail - even those you think is spam. The only kind of mail you may be justified in not opening are those that say Home Depot in front.

Had a major scare today, when I realized that my work card hadn't arrived yet. Contacted the office here, and the contact person was concerned because other cards, applications for which were filed later than mine, had already arrived. Was convinced the card was lost in the mail. Made plans to call the post office (which was closed, thankfully) and also to go to her office to begin the process of filing a statement for the lost card.

Caught sight of the post office box in my receipt. Remembered that one of the unopened envelopes I'd tossed aside some days ago was from there. Tore the non-marked white envelope open. Sure enough, my card was there, featuring me, in my pearled and expanded glory.

Thank you Lord that I don't throw my mail. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And St. Anthony, thank you for helping me find first the receipt and then the mail. St. Anthony's the bomb. He never fails. But St. Jude has a special place in my heart, just because my Granny is so fond of him.

I really was saved a lot of time and inconvenience there. I'm going to have my first final exam tomorrow, and then I have one on Tuesday and then on Friday.

Whew, disaster averted. Again: always open your mail. Or at least never throw it.

I Miss 1L Exams

Yeah, that's right. I find myself longing for the exams of the first semester of the first year of law school. That was the closest I had ever come to academic suicide (not because I didn't work hard, but because I didn't work right), but through the grace of God, everything worked out in the end.

I don't miss the academic suicide part, or the panicky feeling that accompanied it. What I do miss is the tight scheduling, the whole a day and a half to study and then take the test. And then repeat for about five times.

While I do have a lot more time to study for my exams this semester, the problem is I have a little too much time, and I am caught in this weird situation where I technically can pursue my other interests, but I can't really go all out and do so because the imposing figure of my finals is looming in the background.

I cannot wait for my last exam to be over. I'm going to have to pack like mad, but that torture will be swift, as my cousin arrives on the Sunday after next (my last final exam is the Friday after next) to whisk me off to Chicago. And then the next day, I hop on a Southwest plane to good ol' California for a week of rest and relaxation and sisterly bonding.

I can't wait for that. I can't wait for this to be over. I can't wait to start summer. I can't wait to graduate from law school.

Potty-Mouthed Parents and the Resume-Padding Dean

Prepare yourselves for my take on these two issues: 1) the outing of potty-mouthed parents and 2) the firing of the resume-padding MIT dean.

1) The Public Crucifixion of Potty-Mouthed Parents

The celebrity world, and the larger world that follows it, has long been abuzz with Alec Baldwin's voice message to his daughter. As may be expected, different people have weighed in on the issue, with the majority response being "oh my goodness, Alec is a horrible father, and a threat to his daughter." The judge in charge of the Baldwin's custody case seems to fall squarely on that side of the fence, as she issued a restraining order shortly after being informed of this message.

I know there are different possible angles with which to look at and comment on this matter (i.e. parental alienation), but I've no interest in any of them except for one - the public judgment of Alec Baldwin. Let me make clear, now and forever, that I am no fan of this actor. The only movie I remember seeing him in is Notting Hill, and he lost my favor completely and irrevocably when he made poor Hugh Grant take out the trash in that scene with Julia Roberts. What I will say though is that the public condemnation of this guy, based on that one phone message, is largely undeserved.

I think that people do not have the right to judge the parental qualities of another based on an isolated incident. (I'm saying this was an isolated incident because all the criticism seems to be focusing on that one voice message.) It's very difficult to take an action out of context and to judge it as such. Even the killing of another human being can be either justified or excused (depending on how you look at it) based on the context in which it was done. I'm not saying that I advocate this particular way of raising a child, or that I think that every act is inherently subjective and cannot be judged on its objective merits alone. All I am saying is that this one act is not representative of him as a father, and it is no one's business to judge his character, and to take action, solely because of it.

I also think that people are being highly intrusive for weighing in on this issue. There are privacy rights, and the right of parents to raise their children as they deem fit is one of the most well-established rights in juvenile law. Different contexts call for different responses. More, not everyone can be expected to be as politically correct as, say, Steve Covey when their blood is boiling and when emotions are running high. I think Alec was wronged when that phone message was made public. And I think it was in bad taste for it to have ever been published in the first place.

This is exactly how I feel about another similar issue, that of the YouTube video of a religious mom who's upset upon hearing her son say he's an atheist. For one thing, I think whoever filmed that video and posted it online was out of place in doing so. What upsets me even more is to read about how some people have been so self-righteous and judgmental about this incident.

In an article for The Harvard Crimson, Jimmy Y. Li weighs in on this video, saying

“You’re an atheist? Give me a fucking break.” That’s not exactly the kind of language you ever expect a mother to use, especially when talking to her own son. Yet, at the beginning of “Pissed Catholic Mother,” an alarming video posted on YouTube earlier this month, the mother says those exact words to her son—who looks to be about 13—after he tells her that he’s an atheist. ... “Pissed Catholic Mother” is shocking and disturbing to say the least, and it’s probably safe to assume that most parents would not respond with such hurtful and abusive language if their child were to tell them he or she is an atheist.

For the full article, click here.

I didn't even go on to read the rest of the article. I just stopped at that part. What was the point in loading the statement with judgments? What was the point in playing a Dr. Be Calm and using this as an "alarming" example of horrible mothering? Well, I know what his point was - he wanted to come up with a good intro. But my point is that he should not have chosen to make this point by blatantly insulting the character of the mother.

People make mistakes in private. They do stupid things, they use foul language (yes, even mothers), they say things they later regret. They shouldn't have to be called to account for that behavior in public - except of course if the behavior has been either tortious or criminal. The public knows nothing of who they are apart from their publicized behavior, nothing about their relationship with the people involved, nothing about whether everything related to that incident has been atoned for. People shouldn't capitalize on these private-made-public mistakes to make them feel like better people. That's just uncalled for and very intrusive.

Alec, you shouldn't have made that public apology. Just like you shouldn't have made Hugh Grant take out the trash.

2) The Resume-Padding MIT Dean of Admissions

The admissions dean of MIT invented her educational credentials. An anonymous caller blew her cover. She resigned.

Here is an excerpt from her personal statement:

I misrepresented my academic degrees when I first applied to MIT 28 years ago and did not have the courage to correct my resume when I applied for my current job or at any time since.

Full text of the statement here.

I feel bad for this lady. From the different accounts I've read of her, she seems to have been well-respected in the academic community, and people don't seem to have questioned her capacity to do her job well. I guess her mistake is that she thought no one would check, and no one would find out. It had been 28 years since she first gave that resume out after all.

I understand the position of MIT in this matter, and I think they did the right thing. But I also sympathize with her. Once you get into a job based on a fake resume, there's no going back. You reveal the dishonesty, you lose your job. People don't like being made fools of.

On an entirely different note, I wonder what's going to happen to her now. Will people hire a former MIT admissions dean who might not even be a college graduate?

VTech Massacre

I have been following the VTech shooting extensively since Day 1. I kept my browser on CNN and the Drudge Report so I'd have the latest news. I saw the manifesto that Cho Seung-Hui sent to NBC news - saw the pictures and watched the clips. I've been following this for a long time, and I think I'm ready to share my thoughts on the matter.

Before I say anything, though, I would like to extend my deepest sympathies and condolences to the families and friends of the victims. And of the shooter. My prayers are with you.

I would also like to make clear that I am doing this because I believe that, while the tragedy itself must be carefully examined, the reactions to it should be examined as well. It's easy to be careless when emotions are running high. Furthermore, I am not an American. I was born and raised in Manila, and I came here specifically for law school more or less two years ago. This is the perspective of someone who is not from here.

Disclaimers and clarifications aside, there are three things I'd like to comment on: 1) the 'racist' portrayal of the media, 2) the disturbing plays that Cho wrote that supposedly foreshadowed his violent crime, and 3) the airing of the manifesto.

1. The 'Racist' Portrayal of the Media

I have heard and read different versions of this concern. Margaret Cho has released a statement that expresses this well:

So here is the whole terrible mess of the shootings at Virginia Tech. I look at the shooter's expressionless face on the news and he looks so familiar, like he could be in my family. Just another one of us. But how can he be us when what he has done is so terrible? Here is where I can really envy white people because when white people do something that is inexplicably awful, so brutally and horribly wrong, nobody says – “do you think it is because he is white?” There are no headlines calling him the “White shooter." There is no mention of race because there is no thought in anyone's mind that his race had anything to do with his crime.

So much attention is focused on the Asian-ness of the shooter, how the Korean community is reacting to it, South Korea's careful condolences and cautiously expressed fear that it will somehow impact the South Korean population at large.

The full statement can be found here.

The statement is eloquent and heartfelt. There is no doubting the sincerity in her words. But there is a huge logical jump, I feel, between Cho being labelled the Korean shooter, and the supposed implication that race had something to do with his crime. When headlines in Manila say "American Peace Corps Volunteer Killed," I don't think that anyone is suggesting that the race of the victim had anything to do with the victimization. Well, bad example, because terrorists have been known to target foreigners, just to get more attention.

Okay, how about this - if USA Today says Swiss Man Sentenced for Defacing Images of Thai King , I don't think anyone would think that since the nationality of the Swiss was mentioned in the headlines, then the media is implying that the Swiss are more likely to deface Thai Kings.

Ah, but you might say that this is different, because we're talking about local media reporting on a local incident and labelling someone who is practically an American (by virtue of him growing up here) a Korean instead. For one thing, the labelling might not be totally unjustified, as Cho did retain his Korean citizenship. For another, and more importantly, if the concern is that minorities aren't considered American, regardless of their life experiences being very American, then I think it's a valid concern, and I'll completely back off if that's what the concern is. But, if Margaret Cho's piece is at all representative, I really don't think most people are following this line of thought.

Next, there's the concern about how "[s]o much attention is focused on the Asian-ness of the shooter, how the Korean community is reacting to it, South Korea's careful condolences and cautiously expressed fear that it will somehow impact the South Korean population at large." Well, is this attention unfounded? If the Korean community has very strong reactions to this event (i.e. parents pulling their children out of school, the Asians on campus feeling as though they had to stick together to avoid retaliatory actions), then why fault the media for featuring this? And more importantly, if the South Korean government gave an official statement expressing their concern about the South Korean population, then why fault the media for putting this out there? I'm no diplomat, but I think it'd be a serious insult not to say anything about it.

My take on this is simple. You can't have it both ways. If you identify yourself as a distinct group with your own culture, and you and your own treat yourself as such, then don't fault others if they take the cue from you and do the same.

2. Disturbing Plays Lead to Disturbing Crime

While I did seem to be defending the media in the previous section, there is one aspect of the coverage that has me fuming - the whole bit about how "Cho wrote disturbing plays and therefore was more likely to kill." What in the world? Oh, I'm not saying that there isn't a correlation between what a person writes and what is going on in that person's head. After all, how do you write what is not in your head?

But what I will say is this: it is entirely erroneous to assume that a person who writes violent plays (or other art forms) will then go on to commit violent crimes. This is precisely what the media is highlighting, no doubt about that. That's why this classmate of his posted those plays online, and said that he and his other classmates had suspicions that Cho was a school shooter. That's why this teacher of his is going on and on and on about how, when she heard about the killing, she would have been surprised if it hadn't been Cho.

Come on, people. So now, we should probably arrest Anthony Burgess (at least when we got the chance, because he's not here anymore) and Quentin Tarantino. The blood! The gore! The capacity to kill! What's the difference between Cho and these three people? Ah, the lack of talent, maybe. So yeah, lack of talent now makes one more likely to kill. Good think Anthony can write. Or good thing that the critics think that Anthony can write, and think that A Clockwork Orange is a masterpiece.

If you think that this is a harmless assumption that won't lead to harm, then think again. Look at the case of Allan Lee, a straight A high school student who was arrested and charged for "disorderly conduct" for, get this, submitting an essay in an English class that the teacher thought was "violently disturbing." Granted, the police said that "disorderly conduct" can apply when "someone's writing disturbs an individual." But this was a creative writing class. A class to get creative. A class to turn a paper in and get a grade. Not a class to turn a paper in and get arrested for disorderly conduct! How was this disorderly conduct?! It was in the context of a class. Oh, did Allan do the chicken dance while turning this in? Yeah, that probably explains it. Cause the news article certainly doesn't.

Bottomline is that the writings of Cho are relevant because he committed the violent massacre. That's the only reason they are relevant. Without the Cho-factor and without the massacre, a violent piece of writing is just that - a violent piece of writing. It is not an arrest warrant.

3. The Airing of Cho's Manifesto

Ah, here is a topic I can talk about without venom. While I agree that there is a public interest in being informed to the greatest extent possible about an issue of interest and concern (i.e. the VTech shooting), I also think that there's an even greater public interest in preventing copycat crimes and the glorification of an outcast figure that not just a few people can relate to.

From the reports coming in, I get the impression that Cho was a very awkward person who kept to himself. He was thought of as weird, shunned as an outcast, and made fun of. Aren't there always people like that in any school system? Wouldn't you think they'd be eager for a chance at revenge, for an opportunity to have the last laugh when everyone else is picking on them? I'd answer all my questions with a yes.

I watched the videos and saw the manifesto. I wanted to see it, to try to understand why this guy was raging at an invisble or entirely imagined enemy. Well, I saw the manifesto, and got very disturbed. Honestly, I was terrified - terrified that a human being like me could be capable of so much rage and anger, that he could be so cold and calculating as to treat lives as objects and just shoot them down, one by one. And after seeing the manifesto, I came away with a strong resolve that I would never be like him, never come close to being like him. I have pledged my life to the Lord, and to Him is the glory in all that I do.

I would never want to be like Cho, but I bet that are misguided kids out there who now wish to be just like him.

Ka-Ching

This is my last class of my second year in law school. Just turned in my TCE (teacher-something-evaluation), and am waiting for others to do the same. The professor can't actually enter the classroom right now, so we're just bumming around (happily) and waiting for the TCE proctor to go away.

This can't be a long post, as I think my professor will notice my frantic typing in the middle of class. But anyway, there's something I wanted to share. To my debating friends, remember the Oxford finals? The one where they took a video of me and Ollie? Well, after almost four years of using my name and video on their website, they finally paid me. I am 50 pounds richer as a result. (That's English pounds. No wise cracks.)

Yahoo!!! Money makes this poor law student happy.

* * *

So, I said that I'd blog about my take on the world, and so far, all I've been blogging about is me. Grin. Well, it's finals time. It's me time. Me, me, me. You, you, you. Nah, that didn't sound right. Me, me, me.

Productivity

Okay, I admit it - I am feeling the urge to be productive right now. Not in the sense of "I want to start buckling down and studying for finals" (although it'd be awesome if I felt that way, as finals are just around the corner), but in the sense of "I want to produce something, use my labor to come up with a product."

I'm being neither sarcastic nor dramatic. And that's the sad part.

I just feel the itch to do some busy work and get things moving. The last time I did this was in my senior year in high school, when I was the head of the debating club. My members and I did a lot of good things that year (i.e. best hosting job ever), and, while I had to stay up late working on proposals and doing other admin stuff that came with the position, I was happy. Satisfied and happy.

When I got to college, I shunned admin stuff completely, but I was very active in the competitive debating scene. And this was really the perfect route for me. I got to do what I wanted, and I didn't have to do what I didn't want to do. Besides, if you're sent to South Africa to represent the school, it's hard to find something to complain about.

But now, there is reason to complain. Ugh. There's no outlet apart from school for me, no assurance that aside from school or even in spite of it, I am doing something worthwhile. This is a really sad realization, given that I will be graduating next year and leaving South Behind forever. I remember my college professor who always reminded us to "live, love, and leave a legacy." (Or wait, was it some Covey guy who said that?)

The point is that I have been living, I have been loving, but I have no legacy to leave here. That is just so sad. There's nothing wrong with that, I suppose, but I have never been one of those people who were satisfied with just passing in the night. I want to do something, damn it.

To be fair, I did handle a project for this org that I'm a part of. That turned out okay, I suppose, but I didn't find fulfillment working on it, for reasons I shall be keeping to myself, and I'm not too excited to do something like that again.

Well, I have several prospects for next year, and a huge one for this summer. There are a lot of opportunities to be productive and to do something. Watch me go for gold, friends - the Productive C is back in the game.

* * *

I am suffering from tinnitus. I'm not sure if I have the objective one or the basic one, but I am pretty sure that this is the condition that assailed me last night. Was lying in bed, trying to sleep, when I heard a chorus of bells. My gut feel told me that I was either being crazy or possessed, and I was already summoning St. Michael the Archangel to my side, when I remembered Archie Andrews and the gang, my good ol' friends from Riverdale High.

I remembered that cartoon strip where Reggie Mantle and Veronica Lodge put bells on Betty Cooper's hair, and Betty thought she was going crazy and she was crying and being otherwise, well, crazy. And then Ms. Grundy demanded to know what was going on, and saw the bells and figured everything out.

When I remembered that, I breathed a sigh of relief and closed my eyes. I wasn't going crazy - Reggie and Veronica had just put bells on my hair.

* * *

My sleeping schedule is out of whack. Dang those two papers. Yesterday, I went to bed at around 7:30 P.M., got up at around 12 M.N., and then went to bed again at around 5:00 P.M.. For those five hours that I was awake, I fixed this blog up and then chatted with my sister who's in California. And then the bells happened. I slept at 5 A.M., and woke up again at around 3 P.M.. And here, I am making a web appearance. Hey, wait a minute - so I am being productive after all.

A New Beginning

Have been meaning to ressurect my online presence for some time now. Things have been happening in the world, and I find myself with an opinion on almost every single one of them. I usually blurt them out to my friends or else write them in my journal, but am thinking it's time to share some of those thoughts now. I cannot be selfish with my wisdom.

Got a private motive in that too, of course, quite apart from the warm feeling I get when I am of service to humanity. I am the most avid web surfer I know, and I come across the most interesting things in my online journeys. Will be dropping some bread crumbs as I go my way. I think they'd make for interesting reads.

And one other reason I did this now is to have a reprieve from law school. In the past two days, I have rid myself of four credits. That's two 20+ papers off my hands and into my prayers. And in just two weeks, it's time for finals again. Whoopee. Ah, school is always a good reason to vent. If my ranting doesn't sound appealing to you, just stick with me anyway, because in three weeks, I'm off to Chicago for to be wined and dined, big-time.

Well, this is all for now, folks. I have just spent the past hour or so revamping the site, and I'm ready to get out of here. One episode of Boston Legal and then it's off to bed for me.

OH. Before that, I just want to say that I've gone back to the original title, "Chameleon Sofia." Not the Gunner, not the Highlighter, not Light Metaphors. It's Chameleon Sofia again. If you want to know why, see Alpha.