Not that I find this problematic. I don't. It's just funny sometimes how things turn out in ways you least expect them to. It's weird and unsettling. I don't think I like it that way.
* * *
I wanted to write about something other than myself for this entry. After all, it's not everyday that I get the chance to update my blog just the day after posting something new. But there's nothing to write about. All I can think of is me.
Narcissistic much? Not really. I am very much annoyed with the me I am right now. I wish I'd grow up soon.
Narcissistic much? Not really. I am very much annoyed with the me I am right now. I wish I'd grow up soon.
* * *
Age is a funny thing. I'm 22 years old, older than the Wakefield twins, the Baby-sitters' Club, Nancy Drew, and even Elizabeth Bennet (can you believe she's just 20 years old?). And yet I don't feel old.
Well, okay, I do feel old. Or it's more like I know and think I am old but I don't really believe that I should be old. It's as if, in the school that is society, I keep getting accelerated, year after year on the 19th of October, even if I don't really deserve to be moving up just yet.
So is it possible for the soul to be frozen in time even as the body continues aging? And yeah, some wisecrack would say (and honestly at that) that the soul is not bound by the rules of time or space. True. But the soul (or whatever you'd want to call that non-physical aspect of the self) does change, so that what it is now is not what it was a couple of years before. I daresay that's how it is. But it's not like that for me.
Who I am now is no different from who I was before. Essentially, I mean. Is that good? Is that bad? Is that true?
I don't want to continue this anymore. I am confusing myself. I will read my Archie's now.
But just a short note before I do that: something tells me that tomorrow, which marks the 5th month of my stay at Chica Teasa, will be even more confusing. And that's not me being negative about things. I'm just being realistic and honest. And a tad fatalistic.
Well, okay, I do feel old. Or it's more like I know and think I am old but I don't really believe that I should be old. It's as if, in the school that is society, I keep getting accelerated, year after year on the 19th of October, even if I don't really deserve to be moving up just yet.
So is it possible for the soul to be frozen in time even as the body continues aging? And yeah, some wisecrack would say (and honestly at that) that the soul is not bound by the rules of time or space. True. But the soul (or whatever you'd want to call that non-physical aspect of the self) does change, so that what it is now is not what it was a couple of years before. I daresay that's how it is. But it's not like that for me.
Who I am now is no different from who I was before. Essentially, I mean. Is that good? Is that bad? Is that true?
I don't want to continue this anymore. I am confusing myself. I will read my Archie's now.
But just a short note before I do that: something tells me that tomorrow, which marks the 5th month of my stay at Chica Teasa, will be even more confusing. And that's not me being negative about things. I'm just being realistic and honest. And a tad fatalistic.
7 comments:
camille, you're back. =)
age is strange. you know you're old when a lot of the celebrities are younger than you. or when you realize that you're not supposed to be able to *still* relate to high school movies. hah.
i like that you write about you. it's more interesting that way.
speaking of archies--i've been rediscovering my old collection. now if i can only find out what happened to my box sweet valley twin stuff.
I think we are at a point in life where we are struggling to hold on to our youth and yet realize that our youth has left us or, at least, is slipping away from us. Quarter life crisis perhaps? I feel the struggle myself. I do feel old and I feel it everytime I realize that a lot of things have changed. Like for example, with my friends, all we talk about now are credit cards, debt, jobs, APR, and all that financial stuff. Whenever I turn on the TV, all I watch now is CNN. Whenever I think about my life, all I think about is how I wake up each morning to go to work and thank the Lord that I am employed right now. Years ago, this wasn't the case. I was just that happy-go-lucky college athlete who lived on a day-to-day basis, pretty much not knowing what to do or where to go. But now, I have to look at life in a different way, especially now that I'm living here in America.
I know how you feel about getting old. If there was a point in time I'd like to get frozen at, it would be my college years. Man, those were the best years of my life. And today, I struggle to hold on to those, reluctant to let it go and accept the fact that times have changed and that I am indeed getting old.
Oh, well...
When I started by blog I too had different purposes than what it ended up with. I wanted it to be a journal for me to keep writing pieces in, but mine too ended up being about me and my day to day life to a large extent. Funny how that happens.
Bob: Agree with what you said. :) I don't think I'll ever outgrow high school movies, though. Heck, I can't even stop relating to Sweet Valley Twins.
Lenlen: Haha, thanks. :) On Sweet Valley Twins again, who was your favorite character? Predictably (or not), I went for Elizabeth - brains, beauty, and Todd.
Jonathan: Yep, all true. Funnily enough, I think I had more direction as a college student than I do now. And yes, I think living abroad does put a slant to things. I probably would want to freeze my college years as well. Except that I'd take more English or Philosophy or Political Science classes. On your question about the Covey class, I took "10 Habits of Highly Effective People" as a Management elective in my senior year. Instructor here was Terry David. It was a great class. I met some really nice people, and I had a lot of fun. This other class, also by Mr. David, was just as fun - Principled Negotiation.
Stephen: Tempting, isn't it, to write about yourself? I'm not particularly egotistical (well, compared to some poeple, at least), but even I have found the temptation impossible to resist. I've given up trying. :)
which lawschool are you going to? =)
Anonymous: Who are you?
JP: I don't know if you'll get this, but thank you for the invitation to the blog party that I was not able to attend, and also for the offer of another website, which I will be contacting you about if and when I so decide to put one up. I'm just curious - how did you get to my blog?
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